Are Your Negative Feeling States Getting You Down?
Negative emotions–a total bummer, don’t you agree? Not so fast. Perhaps a quick reframe is in order. We cannot evade them–they inform us that we are not in right relationship, but to what? Usually they tell us that we are not taking care of ourselves and for many, this results from over-referencing to the needs of others, to our own detriment. But maybe we just don’t like cold, rainy weather. Perhaps these feeling states inform us that we hate our job, or we are in a relationship with someone who is self-centered and uncaring about us. What to do? Please don’t first consider making an appointment with your doctor as the default solution. Why? You will most likely receive an anti-depressant medication that will directly modify your brain chemistry. While that could be useful, exercising, meditating or even eating a high protein meal will change your brain chemistry as well. There is no shame! in feeling bad or out-of-sorts for that happens to us all from time to time. Sometimes it may be the weather, sometimes it comes from suffering the loss of a loved one or getting some bad news. Being human exposes us to so many influences that directly affect our emotions. First try exploring why you continue to feel sad, or angry, or jealous or envious. You can do this through self-reflection, confiding in a partner or friend or even consulting a therapist. Once you establish the source of your unhappiness, you can start considering your personal goals that exclude these feeling states. But these so-called negative states are an alert! They are getting your attention to WAKE UP to something that you have been minimizing or ignoring completely. Problem solving is an important first step to change something that is the underlying cause of these unhappy feeling states. Start with the basics. Consider who you spend time with, what kind of work you do, how you spend your free time and what you eat. Dr, Barry Sears who has written about the Zone Diet says that food is the most prevailing drug delivery system for each of us since everything we put into our body creates instant biochemical changes that can make us feel happy, sad, energized or depleted. It is hard to feel upbeat if you are exhausted from eating sugary foods as a staple in your diet. When you feel energized you will be more prone to experience positive feeling states. We just may have the wrong idea about emotions. They actually help us achieve goals important to us by informing us that something has to change. They identify trouble or opportunity and suggest methods of action to move in a new direction. Negative emotions are not to be quickly dismissed. If you have the courage, I recommend you hang out with them and even dialogue with them to find out why they are persisting. Be a detective and find the underlying cause so you can do what is necessary to move toward a positive mental attitude. And just remember–you always have help but sometimes you have to ask for it. Posted by Howard Brockman, LCSW July 12,...
Read MoreCan You Muster The Willpower?
“If I only had more willpower!” How many times have I heard that as an excuse to not do what someone states they really want to accomplish? Oh, we all have to struggle with this. “Should I eat the rest of chips?” “I shouldn’t have bought that.” “It was too good a deal to pass up.” “It was just hot to exercise.” Will power takes practice and reinforcement. I believe it is something that we can all cultivate. It takes will power and discipline to accomplish a job whether it is a home improvement or finishing college classes that are challenging and demand lots of homework. What are some of the qualities of willpower? Do you feel that you can recruit your willpower whenever you need to? The following link opens up to a provocative article I think you will like. http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/09/05/willpower-our-greatest-strength.html. Posted by Howard Brockman, LCSW September 18, 2014 ...
Read MoreHow To Deal With Difficult and Aggressive People
Some people have strong personalities and are direct in their communication. They can often be interpreted as domineering, aggressive, confrontational, demanding, hostile, or even abusive. How DO YOU take care of yourself when dealing with this personality type? Don’t take it personally. These folks generally treat everyone the same way. Others may be intimidated or feel bullied and you may as well. Perhaps they act this way because of how they were raised. Perhaps they just like confrontations. Regardless of their motive, you can reduce your personal stress by considering some of the following ideas. First off, don’t react! While this is easier said than done, you will maintain your critical thinking rational mind if you maintain your composure. This way you have choices and you can problem solve. If you react emotionally you are often going to end up feeling unhappy and even angry. Practice NOT reacting. Reference to your body and consider taking a deep breath. If your body is tense your autonomic nervous system is beginning to activate its fight or flight mechanism for your protection. Trust your body and respond appropriately. If you feel violated you probably are. Others may judge you as too sensitive but others don’t live in your skin. Setting limits on others’ aggressive behaviors is a powerful way to take care of yourself and say NO without later feeling guilty. It is essential that you feel you are being treated with respect. You are entitled to a different opinion from the person who is being nasty to you. Always protect yourself by knowing and trusting your gut. If you feel you are being attacked verbally, consider leaving the situation and letting the other person know why you are leaving. This is setting appropriate boundaries so you feel safe emotionally and physically. This is part of relationship work. Take it seriously. If you find yourself ruminating over and over about the same encounter you had with this person earlier in the day, you got triggered and are still processing it. If this happens over and over again with the same person, consider individual or couple counseling. Your happiness, health and well-being are primary. Posted on September 8, 2014. by Howard Brockman, LCSW ...
Read MoreMental Health Self-Test
Are you ready to start counseling or psychotherapy? Still vacillating or on the fence? Consider taking this 16-question self-test from Psychology Today. It will take only 10-minutes but it could change your life for the better. Here is the link: http://psychologytoday.tests.psychtests.com/take_test.php?idRegTest=3040 Posted by Howard Brockman, LCSW May 8,...
Read MoreFor Sufferers of Anxiety Who Take Medication, Beware!
This article describes newly discovered RISKS for those people suffering from anxiety who take Xanax and other similar medications. Sleep medications are also dangerous taken long-term. Please read through this article–it may save your life. Click on Read More to access the link. http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/04/01/anti-anxiety-and-sleeping-pills-increase-risk-of-death-new-study-reports.html Howard Brockman, LCSW Posted April 12,...
Read MoreAbout Me
Howard Brockman, LCSW is a psychotherapist who has been in private practice for 32-years. He is a Diplomate in Clinical Social Work and The Association of Comprehensive Energy Psychology. He has a master’s degree in Social Ethics/Religious Studies from the University of Southern California and a master’s degree in Social Work from Portland State University. Read More... 
